Words to Live By...

• If at first you don't succeed, deny you were even trying.
• When you first start out you are taught a little bit about many things. As you begin to specialize you learn more and more about less and less. When you finally become an expert, you know everything about nothing.
• A closed mouth gathers no feet.
• There's nothing wrong with being short. You may be the last to know when it rains but you're the first to know when there is a flood.
• There's nothing more annoying than two people talking when your interrupting.
• Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, that way if he doesn't like what you have to say, you'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes.
• Never stick your head in a bag of angry squirrels.
• Never go in the water after a full meal, you won't find it there.
• Never moon a werewolf.
• Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
• He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
• Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
• Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.
• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
• He who laughs last thinks slowest!
• Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open.
• A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
• Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
• The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.